


How Traditions Get Started

by entanglednow



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Crack, Humor, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2010-10-22
Updated: 2010-10-22
Packaged: 2017-10-14 12:22:55
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,680
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/149200
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/entanglednow/pseuds/entanglednow
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Michael and Lucifer are currently fighting over the peas.</p>
            </blockquote>





	How Traditions Get Started

They'd all decided, by mutual agreement - or by majority vote at least - not to do it on any religious holidays. Because the chances of a fight over the dinner table were high enough as it was without bringing famous family arguments into it.

They tentatively decided on Thanksgiving which is the most non-religious holiday anyone can think of.

Dean's secretly calling it the 'we're sorry we made a hash of the apocalypse Thanksgiving Dinner.' Which - ok, so with angels and their mind-reading powers it's probably not all that secret. Dean's still not sure why he's invited, or Sam - he doesn't have the slightest clue why Adam is here.

Or Anna, since she was dead.

Gabriel had definitely been dead last time he checked.

But he figures, hey, they can't have the monopoly on being dead and then suddenly not being dead. And it's hard to apologise to dead people. So bringing them back to life and inviting them to dinner - that's a special gesture, right?

Granted, that's the kind of special that can lead to worrying. What if everyone liked you better dead?

Castiel certainly doesn't seem surprised at all the dead people they're currently having dinner with. Though there's still that little frown between his eyes like Castiel is bewildered about something. Dean would ask but Chuck keeps looking at them and _smiling._ Like he knows something - no, like he knows _everything_.

Chuck's at the head of the table. Dean's not quite sure yet whether he's actually God, or just the mouthpiece of God, or some sort of incarnation of God. But it's probably rude to come out and ask. Also, he's more than a little afraid that the answer will be _all of the above._ He once called Chuck a coward and an idiot and smacked him round the back of the head and the memory of that moment is pretty freakin' vivid in his mind right now. Because, seriously, if there isn't a commandment against that then there probably should be. There probably will be now anyway.

Sitting to the left of Chuck are Remiel and Raguel, apparently Archangels who never bothered to show up when everyone else went to war. They both look vaguely bewildered to be there but they're also looking pathetically grateful, in-between passing Chuck any possible dish he might need - and since when did God want mashed potatoes anyway? Raphael is there too, and a couple of other angels that Dean doesn't know.

Lucifer's on the other side, then Michael, Anna, Gabriel, Sam, Balthazar, Adam, Castiel and him. There are so many people responsible for killing each other here, it's not even funny. Dean feels underdressed without at least six different kinds of weaponry for this particular family reunion, thank you very much.

The only thing stopping the whole thing from devolving into a turkey, mashed-potato and blood-soaked nightmare is Chuck's firm insistence that THERE WILL BE NO FIGHTING.

Yeah, that one had come fairly early on.

That doesn't change the fact that Anna's hair is still quietly smoking. Dean wonders if seating her next to Michael was really the best idea - come to think of it he's not sure sitting _Lucifer_ next to Michael was the best idea.

Talking of Lucifer, Dean's not entirely sure why he gets invited to the party, since he's the one that escaped hell and started the whole 'rain of blood and fire' thing. Raphael's been sniping at him since they all sat down, and Dean has to give Lucifer credit, he clearly wants to twist Raphael's head off and toss it across the room, but he's restraining himself.

Sam's very carefully not looking at Lucifer, which is awkward since there's now very one-sided staring going on across the table. It has the rather disturbing feel of a bad break-up that everyone's carefully not mentioning.

Gabriel keeps moving all the food away from Raphael in a way that's so perfectly timed it could be accidental. But Dean knows how much of an irritating little bastard Gabriel can be first hand.

It turns out angels can be pretty damn petty when they're not allowed to openly war with each other.

When Lucifer asks for the vegetables Dean thinks Raphael's actually going to stab him in the eye with a knife.

"Hellspawn can acquire their own vegetables," Raphael says with a glare.

"Raphael, be nice, or I'll send you to your room," Chuck tells him over the mashed potatoes.

Raphael looks ashamed and obediently passes the vegetables to Lucifer.

Anna is refilling Michael’s wine glass...but she's doing it very quietly, when he's not looking. Which Dean's going to take as a bad sign.

It's freakin' surreal, and considering Dean's life to date, that's really saying something.

The only sound is overly polite angels passing various dishes amongst themselves and the occasional confused and terrified throat-clearing noise from Adam. Oh and Sam, whose near constant protests that Gabriel stop whatever he's doing are like a hilarious soundtrack to the whole thing. Dean feels kind of sorry for him sitting in among the angels. Though he doesn't feel bad that Balthazar's way over there. Because if he has to put up with his stupid accent and his _history_ with Castiel then Dean's going to punch him in the face - he's going to break his hand doing it but he doesn't care. He doesn't care what either of them say that's a relationship that smacks of 'we were totally together.'

Dean had suggested sitting him and Sam together, but Castiel had insisted that Chuck _knew best_ in that completely unhelpful and annoying angel way he had. Right before accidentally stabbing himself with a fork. Because yeah, his eating with cutlery skills are really more theory than practice.

Michael and Lucifer are currently fighting over the peas. Dean's fairly sure no one's coming out of that with their dignity intact. Covered in peas, possibly, dignified, not a chance in hell.

"Can I have Sam, he's like a spare now?" Gabriel asks.

"No," Sam says flatly and stabs at something randomly with a fork.

Lucifer's staring at Gabriel like he'd quite like to kill him again.

Castiel's staring at his plate with the familiar air of someone who's tentatively brought their first boyfriend home, only for his family to behave like a bunch of lunatics. His expression keeps shifting between misery, confusion and embarrassment.

Not that Dean's his boyfriend or anything.

Castiel glares at him.

"Alright, fine, maybe I am," he complains under his breath and pokes at the meat on his plate. Because of course the angels are all mind-reading in some sort of desperate form of self-defence.

He really wishes he hadn't thought that. Because now he's thinking of a whole lot of other things he shouldn't be thinking. In a room full of angels he shouldn't be thinking it in.

"I'm sorry, I'm just a little freaked out right now," he says under his breath.

Castiel frowns at him over a glass of what looks like lemonade, apparently one of his brothers has decided Castiel is having a non-alcoholic Thanksgiving.

"You are not the only one," he says carefully.

Sam's looking really uncomfortable up the table sandwiched between angels. He's holding his fork like he might need, at any moment, to stab something. Dean kind of hopes he doesn't because God's probably pretty firm about no stabbing people with cutlery over family dinner.

"You're enormous," Balthazar says smoothly, like he's only just noticed Sam and his giant frame and is considering whether he could eat a whole one.

Sam looks vaguely disturbed over his plate.

Gabriel looks like he's seriously considering stabbing Balthazar with his fork.

"Get your own human plaything," he snaps.

"Gabriel, do you want me to make you switch seats?" Chuck says warningly.

"No," Gabriel says carefully.

"Are you going to behave?" Chuck looks up and clearly having all his attention is not always a good thing. Because Gabriel's face twists into something conflicted.

Chuck tips his head forward and looks _disappointed._

Jesus, Dean can feel the italics.

Gabriel relents.

"Yes."

"What are we not at the dinner table?" Chuck says firmly

"Apagangod," Gabriel mumbles.

Raphael's laughing up the table, until there's a sharp thud that suggests someone has kicked him, hard.

Dean's putting money on Anna.

Balthazar has switched his attention to Adam, who's staring in something like suspicion at the mashed potatoes Raphael is offering across the table. Dean's not really surprised. Raphael isn't exactly wearing a friendly 'here have some mashed potatoes' face. Yeah, it's more of a 'eat the mashed potato and die' face.

Lucifer threatens to set Gabriel on fire if he doesn't stop touching Sam.

The tension at the table starts to slowly warm into something more obvious.

Dean surreptitiously hides a knife up his sleeve, just in case.

There's a thud when the salt shaker hits the tablecloth and everyone jumps.

"Can we please just have a nice family dinner together," Chuck says. He doesn't even say it loudly, or sound particularly cross. But somehow everyone is now staring at the food and commenting on how nice it is. Lucifer lets Michael have the peas and Balthazar is very politely pouring everyone more delicious beverages - especially Adam, yeah, Adam's glass is really full.

Raphael is attempting a smile which makes him look demented. Anna and Michael are no longer quietly smoking at each other.

"That's better," Chuck says.

Dean thinks he might survive this after all. Though he is slightly worried - a little terrified - that now the Winchesters get to be part of this immensely dysfunctional family.

As long as no one gets set on fire, or gets taken advantage of after too much dubiously angelic wine.

He can handle this.

Of course that's before Death shows up with apple pie for dessert.

Dean very nearly decides that's a step too far.

But Gabriel provides an indecent amount of squirty cream and Castiel manages to make a mess of his fingers, which is interesting. Dean decides he's had worse Thanksgivings.

Death's apple pie turns out to be really freakin' good.

  



End file.
